A couple months ago I woke up early on a Saturday morning with these lyrics blasting through my head. I asked the Lord about it and He responded by playing this through my head again. I realized that so often I come to the Lord and present Him with all my good stuff – accomplishments, gratefulness, excitement, etc (which is great) but often I mask my struggle, my pain, my sadness, etc. We all know we cannot hide anything from God (Jeremiah 23:23-23, Hebrews 4:13, Job 34:21, Proverbs 5:21, Proverbs 15:3) and He doesn’t miss a thing but still we try to hide stuff!
As I lay in bed that morning the Lord just kept this on a loop in my mind and revealed to me many places I had not given Him full access to – places I had given my best friend and pastors access to but not Him. Bizarre, right? I realized in that moment that I have a deep fear of failure and was scared to bring God into the messy things, I was scared to bring a King into the deep wounds in my heart. I was scared to allow God to come into my hurt because I was scared of feeling like a failure. I didn’t trust God with my heart. A few years ago I went through a really hard break up with a guy I was convinced I would marry and who was mean, emotionally closed off, and constantly accusing me of things. After that breakup a wall went up in my heart and I (without meaning to) put God on the outside of that wall – scared to let Him into the hurt and pain. I let Him into the surface level pain and let Him heal that but there was deep wounding that had taken place. A fear of trusting men, a fear of not being enough, and a need to please people had taken up residence in this place in my heart that until recently I had not given God access to.
This song was God’s call to me to let Him into the deep, sensitive places of my heart. I felt the Father singing this over me as a call to trust Him, to allow Him to bring further healing and growth. God wanted to see beneath the shiny and clean surface I was presenting to Him (and others) and let Him see into the deep places. I had somehow treated God like a follower on Instagram – I showed Him the filtered pieces of my life and kept the sucky stuff to myself or my best friend.
God has been doing a pretty great work in my heart – He is tearing down the wall little by little. He is showing me how trustworthy He is with my heart.
Friend, God wants to see it all. He wants to be part of your sadness, your doubt, your fear, your hopelessness, your anger, your pain. It all matters to Him. He wants to see beneath the smile and cheery exterior and be given a backstage pass to the stuff you want to hide or pretend doesn’t exist. God wants you to bring Him into the darkness so He can shed His light and love into those spaces.
Remember the prince climbing into Rapunzel’s ivory tower (where there seems to be no escape) and rescuing and freeing her from her prison? I see Jesus wanting to do the same – He died so that we could have full freedom from wounds and hurts. It is Christ’s desire to scale any walls in our heart and bring us into freedom and joy.
There is no pit too deep, no wound past being healed, no fear He cannot conquer, no wall so high He cannot find a way in, no sin too bad He cannot forgive, nothing beyond His love and redemption. God isn’t intimidated by your doubt, fear, or lack of trust. He is just waiting for an invitation to come in and flood your heart with His love, forgiveness, and hope. He loves to prove Himself to us, to show Himself strong in our lives!
This post is maybe not as intense as some of my others but I think we need to be reminded of how much God loves us and how important everything in our lives is to Him.